Day 478 - Sadness is hurting someone who truly cared about you
Woke up crying.
Saw Nougie looking cute, and felt like snapping a photo - there's no one to send it to.
Continued sleeping in a daze.
Did like 10 mins of work in 1.5 hrs.
Took taxi to Ion and sobbed in the taxi.
Continue to wonder why it hurts so much. Maybe I've actually really opened up to him and formed a connection like no one else. I wondered what does it mean by "am I close to my grandma", do I tell her everything - no, I mostly keep my life pretty secretive.
I am not closed to my parents, I didnt even invite them to my wedding, what about Freeman, I did spent 5 years with him and I might have loved him, but was I really close to him? - I spent so much time googling how to get a divorce probably even before we got married. I never truly accepted him in my life. Maybe I married him to spike my Mom, maybe I married to get a flat, maybe I married because I want to help him get a job, various reasons, but it was a "let's make use of each other" relationship.
What about Nuan Nan, yes, I like him, I respect him and I think he is a very nice person. But can I really be myself around him? What will he say when he see my tattoo, what will he say if he found out about some of the things I did before? Who can I share my real thoughts with and who will not judge me.
Went for lunch.
Continue to wonder why it hurts so much. Maybe I've actually really opened up to him and formed a connection like no one else. I wondered what does it mean by "am I close to my grandma", do I tell her everything - no, I mostly keep my life pretty secretive.
I am not closed to my parents, I didnt even invite them to my wedding, what about Freeman, I did spent 5 years with him and I might have loved him, but was I really close to him? - I spent so much time googling how to get a divorce probably even before we got married. I never truly accepted him in my life. Maybe I married him to spike my Mom, maybe I married to get a flat, maybe I married because I want to help him get a job, various reasons, but it was a "let's make use of each other" relationship.
What about Nuan Nan, yes, I like him, I respect him and I think he is a very nice person. But can I really be myself around him? What will he say when he see my tattoo, what will he say if he found out about some of the things I did before? Who can I share my real thoughts with and who will not judge me.
Went for lunch.
Had HeyTea
Talked about a lot of nonsense.
Walked around the mall.
Told myself to give it some more time, and if I still really want to see him again, then go back. But for now, just stay away for at least 100 days.
Came back to work but did no work. Started this blog and realised I can actually fill up 500 days of summer worth of drama.
Decided to go home.
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