The feeling of indifference

The feeling of indifference seems to be near. There was a point where all of my mind was filled with "why is he still alive", "didnt he say he was going to kill himself". I had so much going on in my mind, but when its time to actually write it out it disappeared. I really want to forgive him, its the only way to forget. Now that the lessons are all learnt. Including what I believe, what I stand for, how to express my opinion reasonably. When I called Jaime and told him what happened. I remembered Jaime asked me, if I told him because I wanted to be validated.... and I realise no... I didn't do it for validation, like what I did with the leather, but I told him simply because I wanted him to know. Because Jaime is important to me, and I don't want to be hiding something I feel is important at this stage from him.