Forgiveness Soon?

Even though we've cleared most of the misunderstandings, I still couldn't wish you well.

Partly because till now I cant really accept why I'd to bear the brunt of the mistakes you made.
While I'm better, some effects are permanent - like I am not able to handle stress well due to a
brain shrinkage.

Partly because it is hard to believe you loved me (but it is kind of cool, for once you actually had an answer!)
In fact, we've only spoken to each other for less than 72hrs in total, that's 3 days.
but it took me a year to get back money I've never offered to pay for, and 2 years to remove photos
I did not want to be a part of.
I'm not sure how you could have loved me, when you don't even know me that well.
 
过年我收拾的时候看见了很多我的付出，却实在找不到你爱过我的证据。

我心疼你赚钱辛苦，所以从来不乱花你的钱。我知道你忙，所以连一起吃顿饭都会格外珍惜。有一次我为了你的面子忍气吞声的等了3个小时，你没有一句交代也没有一句关心，我最后忍不住气哭了，明明是你对我的付出视而不见，你却说是我不懂你。

我印象最深刻的就是有一次你来我家后你去冲凉，然后把我叫到我的浴室里只是为了骂我，
原因是你看见了一只壁虎躲在我的墙缝里。

还记得有一次明明是我去帮你，我不知道要怎么做所以问你，你不但不解释，
还很凶的骂我为什么问你。

虽然你毫不犹豫的说你爱过我， 可是爱我的事你一件也没做过。。。其实你根本就不认识我，又怎么可能爱过我呢？不爱就不爱，为什么要骗我呢？
我想不明白所以接受不了，也放不下。。。可能你想骗的从来都不是我，而是你自己吧。


I'm determined to make those leathers into something useful, to tell myself that nice things can
still come out of an experience from hell.

I hope one day you might come to realise that you did not love me, so you might learn how to love truly.