You can't force the outcome that you want

I was angry because you knew you weren't even serious about me, yet you still used me for your own benefits, you didn't even have my best interests at heart. It was exceptionally hurtful and difficult because I never had to end things with someone I still have strong feelings for. Yet I couldn't convince myself to stay as I don't feel appreciated or wanted, even though you said otherwise. Most times, you won't even notice what I did for you nor value my sacrifices to accommodate you and your problems. It didn't feel like love, I just felt exploited.

Somewhere around July 2018, I snapped and thereafter there were many moments where I couldn't understand nor control myself, I kept asking you cause I was hoping you had the answer. I was in too much pain to care whether it was making things worse for you or not. But at no point had I wanted to embarrass you in front of your clients. I was more concern that you are self sabotaging your goals.

After you followed thru and removed the photos, I calmed down a lot more and I realised we'd both made mistakes and behaved badly at some point. I shouldn't make you take all the brunt while refusing to accept the roles I played.

I'm really sorry for that.

I had want to visit with Jaime, check out Cinnamon and also convey my thoughts in person, but I guess no chance for that.

When I received the text you blasted, I had to fight irrational thoughts of why you sent it to me and whether it was a lie. Its quite a sad mental situation I'd developed which is distressing for me and the trigger is unsolicited information from you.

I'm not blaming you for sending it, but would be better if you can skip me the next time when you're mass sending stuff. I'm more than happy to hear updates about Cinnamon occasionally, but I don't need to know what I don't need to know.

I really hope things will turn out well for you in the new year.